So now that it’s been roughly 3 weeks since I moved into the new space, I’m starting to feel again more connected to myself, my space and my work, and beginning to notice that old work habits are resurfacing. I’ve now gotten back into the grove of bouncing between daily tasks like cleaning, reading, writing, and at every little lapse interval in between I’m beginning to work on art. While I don’t want to create expectations, I do have some new work on the go and have high hopes that they can evolve into the start of the next body of work. I’m finally feeling like some semblance of an artist again, and all the doubts and fretting I have been experiencing over the past few months are slowly exiting my head.
Being back to work feels wonderful.
This new space is an interesting one, much different from the art centre where I was previously homed. There, I was surrounded by a flurry of creativity between other artists exhibiting in the gallery below, several other working artists in private studios like mine, and many theatre groups coming and going, using the space for both rehearsal and performance. While though there was a lot was happening, everything stopped after about 6:00 and I had come to accept and love that I was the only person alive in the building at night.
There’s a beautiful freedom in realizing that you are the only person inhibiting a large space. It can be a place of sacred meditation and peace, a place to hear your thoughts and only your thoughts, to reconnect with the chatter of the inner soul. A place to play privately, to be unapologetically loud or utterly quiet, restricted only by your own desires.
This building is completely different. While there are many legitimate regular businesses that use the facility, with typical 8 am to 8 pm hours, at night it’s a different story of creativity. After the businesses and other artists leave the building for the day, this place is overrun by musicians who have many studios for their personal rehearsal space. It’s a completely different atmosphere that can be horrifically overwhelming at times. When I originally first moved and had to face the reality of just how obnoxious it could be, I nearly lost it again. How could I work when the music was so intrusive? How would I ever get anything accomplished again?
Now it’s starting to become wonderfully reassuring. I’ve come to recognize that many of them are quite skilled and I now get real comfort that comes with knowing that now I’m never alone. There are possibly friends to be made here, and connections to seek just around the corner. While the utter peace and quiet and desertion I came to enjoy at my previous studio, there’s about as much opportunity here, and perhaps this is more appropriate to my time.
Each space offers its communities. Perhaps I originally fretted that this would be the most isolating part of my journey, I have high hopes that hopefully be shown wrong.
Just like Home, I’d like to believe that Community is wherever you make it.
p.s. I would have pictures except I have managed to loose the battery charger to my camera in the move somehow. It could be a while before I can get another one...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Welcome Home
My entire life I’ve struggled with the idea of roles and finding my own place in the world. I continually question if art is truly a worthwhile and meaningful endeavour which can possibly be significant to a larger picture or, if I’m following this path through personal selfishness and if that is the case, is it actually ok to exist that way and feel good about being selfish?
I thought moving would be a fresh start and act as some sort of conclusion to some of these thoughts, since fate randomly hooked me up with this opportunity instead of the alternatives which probably would have sacrificed my studio entirely, but it’s turning out to be not the greatest idea. There’s been several challenges to immediately overcome upon moving in, and I’m immediately unsure if the pros of this space really DO outweigh the cons. There’s a feeling of helplessness in not knowing what the solution is, or what the next step is. Past months have been spent feeling like my head is just barely above water. Is it ok to live this way? Is it ok for me to live this way? Is the sacrifice worth it?
The biggest dilemma of all, is that I realize I have every option to just immediately, knowingly change it. I’m not stuck into this path because I’m not intelligent enough to hold down a regular, steady full-time job. I’m smart enough to go to school and finish a degree in something that’d get me a job that is secure and pays enough to live decently, dare I say comfortably. I’m just continually conflicted about which direction to choose.
Finding studio and living space and the appropriate balance between the 2 has always been the challenge, and there are always sacrifices to be made, but this time I’m wondering if I’m strong enough as a person to exchange space, heat, and working plumbing in exchange for peace and quiet.
2 nights of sleeping there (almost 3 but I got fed up with the noise), I’ve been introduced to the bands that rehearse in the building (starting) at 2 am in the morning.
Today I bought earplugs.
I'm really tired.
I thought moving would be a fresh start and act as some sort of conclusion to some of these thoughts, since fate randomly hooked me up with this opportunity instead of the alternatives which probably would have sacrificed my studio entirely, but it’s turning out to be not the greatest idea. There’s been several challenges to immediately overcome upon moving in, and I’m immediately unsure if the pros of this space really DO outweigh the cons. There’s a feeling of helplessness in not knowing what the solution is, or what the next step is. Past months have been spent feeling like my head is just barely above water. Is it ok to live this way? Is it ok for me to live this way? Is the sacrifice worth it?
The biggest dilemma of all, is that I realize I have every option to just immediately, knowingly change it. I’m not stuck into this path because I’m not intelligent enough to hold down a regular, steady full-time job. I’m smart enough to go to school and finish a degree in something that’d get me a job that is secure and pays enough to live decently, dare I say comfortably. I’m just continually conflicted about which direction to choose.
Finding studio and living space and the appropriate balance between the 2 has always been the challenge, and there are always sacrifices to be made, but this time I’m wondering if I’m strong enough as a person to exchange space, heat, and working plumbing in exchange for peace and quiet.
2 nights of sleeping there (almost 3 but I got fed up with the noise), I’ve been introduced to the bands that rehearse in the building (starting) at 2 am in the morning.
Today I bought earplugs.
I'm really tired.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Onward and Upward?
Since the first time I left home in NS, to moving to Ontario and all the moves little and big in between, I have developed a real love/hate relationship with moving and all the little bits and boobs big and small that it entails.
I’m excited, also sad, to announce that I have found a different studio space and I’ve officially left my current space, the one which has been home to me the past 2 years. And when I say home, I mean home, as I have never felt anywhere more at home than up in that little studio, here in London, Ontario.
However, I can’t hide that I’m really looking forward to this new stage of my life. Any life change is always met with lots of anxiety and the reality usually is, in my current life at least, that nothing is ever easy for long. But there’s always a lot of hope that the next leg will bring better opportunity and I hope that it works out alright.
The act of going through, sorting, and re-evaluating possessions is something I love. Long-distance moves are the best – purging is a great experience. I enjoyed every moment of letting go of every failed piece, and destroying everything which I couldn’t fathom as being a part of something else. In retrospect, now that everything is at the new place, I actually wish I could have gotten rid of more....
Turning the page to another era.
Next chapter. Cross fingers that it’s good...
I’m excited, also sad, to announce that I have found a different studio space and I’ve officially left my current space, the one which has been home to me the past 2 years. And when I say home, I mean home, as I have never felt anywhere more at home than up in that little studio, here in London, Ontario.
However, I can’t hide that I’m really looking forward to this new stage of my life. Any life change is always met with lots of anxiety and the reality usually is, in my current life at least, that nothing is ever easy for long. But there’s always a lot of hope that the next leg will bring better opportunity and I hope that it works out alright.
The act of going through, sorting, and re-evaluating possessions is something I love. Long-distance moves are the best – purging is a great experience. I enjoyed every moment of letting go of every failed piece, and destroying everything which I couldn’t fathom as being a part of something else. In retrospect, now that everything is at the new place, I actually wish I could have gotten rid of more....
Turning the page to another era.
Next chapter. Cross fingers that it’s good...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A long post from someone with nothing to say
Well I logged into here with the intention to write, and got absorbed in reading several other blogs which I started to follow back when I first got onto this thing. I've realized pretty much that I don't currently have a hell of a lot to say, let alone anything interesting, but still find some point in actually sharing some of the progresses on some of my work. I guess this is mostly for my own benefit, not necissarily the readers, a point of actually marking some off the headway I'm making on some work, and feeling like I may actually be accomplishing things again.
I've been thinking a lot about my studio, obviously, and its importance to me. I remember back when I first moved into my current space, I had grandeous ideas of of how this space would become the hub for many figure drawing gatherings that me and my friends wanted to do together at the time. Work space, let alone enough space for several artists to work at once, always seams to be at a premium, and this space was perfect. The area entirley devoted to figurative drawing and collaboration gradually shifted into a make-shift "den" complete with a couch, a few chairs, area rug and a coffee table.
This time of collaboration, networking, and sharing of models and working with people was important, but since then my direction with my work has changed. I still have yet to actually come up with a cohesive plan for a body of work that actually involves serious figurative work, and I'm really beginning to wonder if I ever will come up with something. Since I draw pretty much weekly, and collaborate a lot of sessions, most people inquire if I actually do anything with the work...
To me, its some-what surprizing that I haven't done anything. And then, on the other hand its not. Most of my life has been felt feeling rather alienated and distant from the people and community aorund me. I have difficulty connecting with other people, connecting with the ideas most people seam to have in regards to being human, society, gender issues, that sort of thing. There's nothing that's that important to me that I have to say.
So now that the figurative work is without focus, that area of my space has become pointless and scattered. I feel pointless and scattered. The loss of space made me struggle a lot with my identity as an artist, and if I'm actually worthy of what I currently have, or if I should give the opportunity up to someone more deserving. I've become, admittedly, exceptionally critical about what I see around me in respects to fellow artists and their art. I'm no exception from my own criticism. Honestly, thinking back, this had a lot to do with why I left NSCAD and Halifax. But the area is packed and no longer in the studio, and I feel like I want to keep it that way. I want to reclaim the work space as work space for larger projects, and some-how have my actual life outside of the work space too..
I need to rethink this opportunity and take hold of it again. I'm working larger, and intend to continue doing larger work, even though there's no notion of practicality in anything I'm doing. I've come to realise that it is ok to do the art I want to do, simply because I want to do it and not because it needs to be sellable and have monitary value.
I think I still want to do figurative sketches. But need to reconsider the venue for selling.
I want to do larger work that is challenging both mentally and physically. But I need to find a venue for showing.
I desperately need a gathering space to call home and connect with people again.
Anyway, these have been the things working through my brain over the past week as I've finally gotten my hands on the next 4x6 canvas, as well as 3 more 4x8 sheets of plywood. I wanted to share a photo of the one drawing I had started, and will come back to as I start working on the other 3.
In February while I was AWOL, I put in a grant for a project I wanted to do. Its still in the back of my mind. Part of me is frightened that I get it, and won't be able to make my idea work. Another part is very hopefull and eager for the opportunity to actually do something that's a step in the direction for doing work on a scale I find really exciting.
I've been thinking a lot about my studio, obviously, and its importance to me. I remember back when I first moved into my current space, I had grandeous ideas of of how this space would become the hub for many figure drawing gatherings that me and my friends wanted to do together at the time. Work space, let alone enough space for several artists to work at once, always seams to be at a premium, and this space was perfect. The area entirley devoted to figurative drawing and collaboration gradually shifted into a make-shift "den" complete with a couch, a few chairs, area rug and a coffee table.
This time of collaboration, networking, and sharing of models and working with people was important, but since then my direction with my work has changed. I still have yet to actually come up with a cohesive plan for a body of work that actually involves serious figurative work, and I'm really beginning to wonder if I ever will come up with something. Since I draw pretty much weekly, and collaborate a lot of sessions, most people inquire if I actually do anything with the work...
To me, its some-what surprizing that I haven't done anything. And then, on the other hand its not. Most of my life has been felt feeling rather alienated and distant from the people and community aorund me. I have difficulty connecting with other people, connecting with the ideas most people seam to have in regards to being human, society, gender issues, that sort of thing. There's nothing that's that important to me that I have to say.
So now that the figurative work is without focus, that area of my space has become pointless and scattered. I feel pointless and scattered. The loss of space made me struggle a lot with my identity as an artist, and if I'm actually worthy of what I currently have, or if I should give the opportunity up to someone more deserving. I've become, admittedly, exceptionally critical about what I see around me in respects to fellow artists and their art. I'm no exception from my own criticism. Honestly, thinking back, this had a lot to do with why I left NSCAD and Halifax. But the area is packed and no longer in the studio, and I feel like I want to keep it that way. I want to reclaim the work space as work space for larger projects, and some-how have my actual life outside of the work space too..
I need to rethink this opportunity and take hold of it again. I'm working larger, and intend to continue doing larger work, even though there's no notion of practicality in anything I'm doing. I've come to realise that it is ok to do the art I want to do, simply because I want to do it and not because it needs to be sellable and have monitary value.
I think I still want to do figurative sketches. But need to reconsider the venue for selling.
I want to do larger work that is challenging both mentally and physically. But I need to find a venue for showing.
I desperately need a gathering space to call home and connect with people again.
Anyway, these have been the things working through my brain over the past week as I've finally gotten my hands on the next 4x6 canvas, as well as 3 more 4x8 sheets of plywood. I wanted to share a photo of the one drawing I had started, and will come back to as I start working on the other 3.
In February while I was AWOL, I put in a grant for a project I wanted to do. Its still in the back of my mind. Part of me is frightened that I get it, and won't be able to make my idea work. Another part is very hopefull and eager for the opportunity to actually do something that's a step in the direction for doing work on a scale I find really exciting.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Update!
M42Acrylic on Canvas
48x72 inches
Whats going on:
- I'm kinda back into working in my studio. They ended up not renovating anything and I spent a bit of time drifting. Its a little awkward and I'm still some-what living out of boxes, but I've gotten back into drawing and painting and spending time in there practically daily,
- I now have a laptop, and have been consequently hopping around the city, surfing the various coffee shops, libraries, and wi-fi networks,
- Looking into venues for getting rid of the piles of figure drawings I've been accumulating
- Writting writting writting and getting back into applying for things and feeling somewhat productive again (mostly using this as an excuse to get painting again).
Hopefully I'll get a few more 4x6 foot paintings like the above one out before end of summer.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Art Therapy
I know its been practically 3 weeks since I last updated. I guess that shows that I'm still pretty out of the loop with the rest of the world. Fallen off the radar, maybe you could say.
The past few days particularly I've been tucked away more so than usual. Life's been pretty frustrating lately, but I told myself when I started this blog, that I would try and keep the whining to a minimum. That's part of the reason why I haven't been blogging (that and the lack of computer/internet). That's partially because it happened. Or I should say, an update to my last post, building renovations persisted; I was officially advised to move all my stuff.
So the rest of this story from here-on out gets a little confusing, and a little bit frustrating but bare with me...
Two Mondays ago (March 2nd) I got the message that I had 1 week before they were going to officially demolish and re-build 2 walls...
Tuesday I started tearing things apart whenever I had the time between writing grants...
Wednesday I found boxes and facebooked a moving party for Sunday...
Friday I got the news that they wouldn't start Monday; I could move everything next week...
Sunday we moved everything anyway, since I a) had lots of people offering to help, b) most of the packing done, and c) had already promised I'd devote this upcoming weekend to helping my boss write a grant...
RIP my studio of awesome.
A lot of my more delicate stuff is now stashed on the 3rd floor.
And then Monday I got the most ridiculous news ever...
Apparently they have changed their minds completely, and won't be moving a damn thing until several months from now.
Since Monday I've been hiding. Hiding on the 3rd floor.
Ever since I was a child, drawing has always been the most therapeutic act of all, for me. While I took up actual painting a few years ago, mostly because I was always told when I was younger that paintings were considered more valuable in the art world, drawing will always be my first love and has saved my sanity many, many times.
This work in particular has allowed me to become re-connected with the very essence of what it is that I enjoy about drawing - large, sweeping movements, the feel of the material, and just creating marks.
This is on a 4x8 sheet of plywood, in oil bar and graphite sticks, with some minimal painting to flesh out the under painting. Still thinking about Europa and the most-recent drawings I've been doing, this work is currently very satisfying to produce.
Lucky for me, I am at least surrounded by awesome helpful people who made the process as painless as possible. And as for my studio? I'm not moving a damn thing back into that space until I know for sure they are done with the staircase that caused all this nonsense in the first place.
The past few days particularly I've been tucked away more so than usual. Life's been pretty frustrating lately, but I told myself when I started this blog, that I would try and keep the whining to a minimum. That's part of the reason why I haven't been blogging (that and the lack of computer/internet). That's partially because it happened. Or I should say, an update to my last post, building renovations persisted; I was officially advised to move all my stuff.
So the rest of this story from here-on out gets a little confusing, and a little bit frustrating but bare with me...
Two Mondays ago (March 2nd) I got the message that I had 1 week before they were going to officially demolish and re-build 2 walls...
Tuesday I started tearing things apart whenever I had the time between writing grants...
Wednesday I found boxes and facebooked a moving party for Sunday...
Friday I got the news that they wouldn't start Monday; I could move everything next week...
Sunday we moved everything anyway, since I a) had lots of people offering to help, b) most of the packing done, and c) had already promised I'd devote this upcoming weekend to helping my boss write a grant...
So much to do, I made lists and post-its to help me stay on track!
RIP my studio of awesome.
A lot of my more delicate stuff is now stashed on the 3rd floor.And then Monday I got the most ridiculous news ever...
Apparently they have changed their minds completely, and won't be moving a damn thing until several months from now.
Since Monday I've been hiding. Hiding on the 3rd floor.
Ever since I was a child, drawing has always been the most therapeutic act of all, for me. While I took up actual painting a few years ago, mostly because I was always told when I was younger that paintings were considered more valuable in the art world, drawing will always be my first love and has saved my sanity many, many times.
This work in particular has allowed me to become re-connected with the very essence of what it is that I enjoy about drawing - large, sweeping movements, the feel of the material, and just creating marks.
This is on a 4x8 sheet of plywood, in oil bar and graphite sticks, with some minimal painting to flesh out the under painting. Still thinking about Europa and the most-recent drawings I've been doing, this work is currently very satisfying to produce.
Lucky for me, I am at least surrounded by awesome helpful people who made the process as painless as possible. And as for my studio? I'm not moving a damn thing back into that space until I know for sure they are done with the staircase that caused all this nonsense in the first place.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Drawings Inspired by Europa WIP
I know I haven't blogged much about it, but the shit in my life, work, and the construction in the building around my studio is inhibiting my ability to do several things including:
- Paint
- Think
- Use the Internet
- Blog
I'm making the attempt to pass the free time in coffee shops drawing. I've started a series of 4x4s inspired by black and white photographs of Europa.
Otherwise, construction has knocked out the internet (and power... I had to re-rout things with extension cords) to my computer, and it may be a few weeks before it gets put back to normal. There's also imminent construction threat in as soon as 2 weeks for one of the walls in my space.
I'll try to remember to blog the construction progress later on this week!
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